Life Outside PLT1

What’s in a name?

May 23, 2006 on 3:18 pm | In Kumara | | Sicopath

Hello, it’s me. The advice fairy.

(not a picture of me)

I have an installment of astounding advice today; answering a few common questions about children’s names. Let’s kick things off with the simple and not entirely unusual.

What should I (try to) name my child?

To answer this question, i’m going to welcome the testimony of a successful man with an excellent and thought-provoking name.

Hi, my name is God Fuck; that’s right, first name “God” and last name “Fuck”. My life is easy and fulfilling because unlike other first world citizens, I will never ever have to serve a single day in official jury duty! You see, when a jury roll-call is being taken, an officer of the court reads our names out surname first, given names second and i’m sure we all know that there is no real seperation of church and state. Unconstitutional, I know; but that’s what you get for electing to office caucasian leaders with backgrounds in big business.

Thanks God. Now next up we have a less not entirely unusual question for me to chew over. Not that it’s anything beyond my understanding; otherwise you’d be reading a blank space right now and people would laugh at you.

What should I avoid naming my child?

Once again, I will let the answer be given in the form of third party testimony; this time from a less successful man.

Hi, my name is Aley Way; that’s right, first name “Aley” and last name “Way”. My life is so bad you could say it stinks like piss; in which case you’d be correct on two fronts. I remember in school when other boys would follow me into the toilets, flank me at the urinal and piss on my legs; “that’s what alleyways are for!” they’d say.

Well, that’s it for today. You all come back now, you hear?

If you have any questions you’d like me to answer; you know how to contact me.