too much Tim Burton

OMFG! I LIEK SOOO LOVE TIM BURTON!

dyslexia? its spelt asgsdfasefawetwerg.

dyslexia is the fun (with a captital G) learning disorder.

i misread some random file on my desktop: it came out as “i would like to go faster at the cost of a carrot”.  im now drinking absinthe to make me feel normal -_-

also, wisdom from the intarbutt (i quote verbatim)

“please do not take amateur chemistry advice from anonymous political radicals”

new coat.

i has new coat.

this coat is great, its warm, and so badass just wearing it is giving me an erection.

Jar Jar Binks was a swedish nigger

self explanatory really.

Stuff and Things.

I put my cat on 7chan’s /cat/ board, trawling for macros: heres what i got.

And heres a bunch of picture of us drunk under a street light.

Thats Josh, Me, Simon and peachy. Theres a certain noir quality to it i rather like.

FOLLOW THAT TRUCK!

legendary build script message

[copy] Copying 1337 files to C:\eclipseworkspace\pentaho\build\pentaho-demo\jboss

EEEEEEEEEEEEE! OMFG! HAPPY HAPPY!

• Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky!
• Concept design by Brian Froud!
• Uses puppets!
• Based on Hensons notes from the early 80’s!
• I’m too exstatic to type much more!

Porn vs. Conspiracy Theory. The Final Showdown.

Once more the internet betrays me. I’ve spent ages looking at the freakiest, stupiest, most gullible shit that google video could vomit up on me. Once more i betray myself to morbid curiosity and keep watching this kind of ridiculous tripe. With my head spinning and my faith in mankind at an all time ebb, I decided to go and watch some pr0nz. There is a moral to this story:

Just think of all those poor cute girls that are strapped for cash. By beating your genitals (lets be fair, masterbation isnt entirely a male prediliction) like they owe you money while veiwing this stuff, you’re helping them pay for thier crack habits, which is helping your local dealer pay his child support, which is in turn helping solo mums. You buy these conspiracy books and you’re funding some nutter buying a cabin in the wood to wait for doomsday and ruin the local ecosystem with his long-drop loo. Morality is on the side of pornography.

And lets not forget the aesthetics of the whole matter. Heres a quick comparison.

According to her Bio, this is a girl. she enjoys… oh I dunno… stuff. OK, so im just looking at her girly bits. But lets be fair, everyone likes girly bits.	This is Ivan T Sanderson, who according to his books knows stuff that no-one else does. In fact, the stuff he knows is so awesomely unknowable, no one else can figure out if its true or not.

It turns out theres alot of both on the internet. Heres a bunch of crackpot bullshit videos:

• This is a video in which they have an interview with an alien that doesnt say anything. No Really
• Apparently Jack Parson (satanist rocket scientist) was the antichrist and gave birth to a child he got Robert Oppenhiemer (jewish, evil) to put in a lead case at ground zero for the first nuclear test. To absorb its power!
• Heres a bunch of crappy blurry shots of UFO’s and concept art that proves aliens exist. how? it was put into the public domain by the Knights Templar. I’m not fucking kidding.
• HIV doesnt cause AIDS.

Fuck that noise. And noise it is. The signal to noise ratio is very swung in favour of noise there. Unlike porn. In porn the signal is clear: “Sex is fun, dont you wish you were doing it? I mean, if you were, what the fuck are you doing watching it? Unless you have a really cool girlfriend. I dont have a girlfriend. I’m going to go masterbate while crying now”.

Since we’re already crying at the previous videos: heres something to masterbate to (NSFW (redundant)). Descriptions are not mine, they are taken from the video description (to give the post more credibility and make it edgy, whatever the fuck that droid marketspeak means).

• Ass Stretched Wide and Hot Anal Creampie
• God damn lucky asshole gets an awesome blowjob from a sexy bitch.
• Cumswappers Misty, Gwen and Valerie Suck it Up!
• Robots Need Love Too (this is here for comedies sake)

Cretinous bollocks either way, I’m sure you’ll agree. However porn beats conspiracy theory on the following counts:

1. Porn is just trying to sell you more porn; either because you have no sex life or have a boring one. Conspiracy theories are trying to freak you out and make you buy book after book of dribble at 20$ a pop.
2. There are some (not many) good looking people in porn. Conspiracy nuts are all wild and grizzly with a tic.
3. You cannot achieve orgasm to a conspiracy theory. And if you can, you are sicker than me and need your head ventilated.
4. David Icke is a conspiracy nut and not a porn star: thus by watching porn and avoiding conspiracy theories, you never need to listen to him

Right, now thats over with. Heres something thats truely worth your time:

CUTTLEFISH HUGS!

“hello beastie!” (apologies to Andie: I’m sure you got over the stink and had some fun) (also, click the cuttlefish. I dare you!)

And the wind sighs: “bollocks”

So im sitting here drinking flat coke out of a guiness glass, my room heady with the smell of undead cigarettes, italian colonge, and booze. There are guns under my bed and 4 unfinised bottles of spirits on the dining room table. there are four empty bottles of wine in the recycling bin. My room is trashed, my bed is an utter fucking mess and I only sobered up after midday. I lost all 3 of my lighters, and Im using a pink one I found in the bathroom.

The night started off simple enough. I bribe a 17 year old girl with promises of alcohol to turn peachy into an emo. That went off without a hitch really.

Following that, the night generally degenerated. The plan was to go to a gay bar which was preceeded by some serious drinking, during which mathew tripped out and informed us that his hands where in different time zones. I took a shot from the M16 right in my spine, and importantly I actually asked for it. I also made a girl cry, for which i feel quite remorseful. However i feel no remorse at shooting that git antony up a bit. And he manged to flash his nipples all over the show.

I didnt make it to the gay bar, antony let mango flavoured rum get the better of him and was quite ill, so I ended up playing nurse to him at 12:30 in the morning. After curling him up on the couch with with my favourite blanky and a bucket I started swigging melon liquer straight from the bottle. At some point I wandered off to bed and watched my room spin for a bit.

I woke up at 8:00 (still drunk) and got some coke, had a cigarette then crashed back out.

Just after 11 ant came in with blank, i wouldnt let him put it on the bed until i had farted royally. He crawled into bed with me and the morning began. with an hour Ant, Peach and I were busy groping lesbians in my bed. The lesbians were groping each other too.

Fucking legend.