Life Outside PLT1

my eyes have seen the coming of the morn’

The sun is alive and well and winning the battle with my curtains. Headlines are are rattling out of my radio, stuck halfway between national and god knows what. Or maby he doesn’t and thats what their there for. Mother nature is held in contempt of court for not showing face at the class action law suite against her. Midget rescues cat out of tree. LA sinks into ocean. Elsewhere Bill hicks coughs out a laugh, rolls over and goes back to sleep.
I snuff out the last of my early morning cigarettes and count my blessings, the glory being that i don’t have to use my toes or even put down my beer. Rise and shine on like some sort of crazy diamond.
I catch the only shirt that isn’t quick enough to run away and breath in through it deeply. It smells like something died in it, but hell, i probably have once or twice and when you go through something like that with a shirt, you know its the one.
The house is quiet, being first thing in the morning at 3 in the afternoon, but still…
Its a beautiful day.

Going for the record number of not-friends

[someone] has added you as a friend on Bebo‏
From: Bebo Service (service@noreply.bebo.com)
Medium risk You may not know this sender. Mark as safe | Mark as unsafe
Sent: Monday, 8 October 2007 11:36:51 p.m.
To: [rift]@hotmail.com

Ed Hyde

[someone] has added you as a friend on Bebo.

IMPORTANT: Please click on the link below to confirm whether you know [someone]:

http://www.bebo.com/confirm

So far you have confirmed 0 out of 32 friends on Bebo.

…………………………………………………………….
Please do not reply directly to this email. Questions? Contact us - http://www.bebo.com/contactus

Bebo, Inc., 795 Folsom St, 6th Floor, San Francisco, CA 94107, USA.

——————

Zero out of thirty two ain’t bad, huh? Anyone done better?

Black Dog Raincoat

Their was a busker out side the liquor store to day. I gave him some money, though I didn’t hear if he was any good or not. He just seamed like the kind of person who would need something like being good at guitar to stop from killing himself. And besides, he might of been using the money for an operation to stop him from looking so retarded.

After much thought I have decided that that is my good deed for today.

Theory Exam

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions ans is intended to indicate whether or not you are what professionals call ’stupid’. The questions are not difficult, so think about them before you read the answer.

Question 1: How do you put an obese person into a refrigerator?

Question 2: How do you put a elephant into a refrigerator?

Question 3: The mayor is holding a gathering at the wild life preserve and, in exchange for a day off work, demands that all animals attend. One animal can not make it, which one?

Question the forth: On the opposite bank of a river inhabited by crocodiles is a tasty cake. How do you get to it?

1. The correct answer is to open the refrigerator and insert the obese person inside before closing the door. This question tests whether or not you do things in an over complicated and/or retarded manner.

2. Wrong answer; open the refrigerator and put the elephant inside before closing the door. The correct answer is to open the refrigerator, remove the obese person and replace them with the elephant before closing the door. This is to test your eye sight and/or your abbility to observe the world as it is outside your head.

3. The correct answer is the elephant. He is in the refrigerator remember? This question is to test your grip on reality and think about the repercussions of your actions. I hope you gave him food and air holes.

Its ok, even if you failed the first three questions there is still a chance that you are not completely retarded.

4. The correct answer is to swim. All the crocodiles are currently being entertained by the mayor. This test your ability to quit before making a compleat ass of yourself.

I hope this cleared any delusions you have about your intelligence and mental state. Have a good day and get off my lawn.

Good Morning Vietnam

Fuck. Have you ever had that thing where you look in the mirror and it cusses back at you? Its all like ‘hell dude, thats a face thats been stroked by the ugly stick of Satin. And not in some kick ass heavy-metal James Bond super-villain sorta way, but more of the Star trek background player kinda’ thang’.
And you look over the wreckage of your room, wondering how you got home through 3 feet of snow with out any pants? Breath smelling like stale liquor and the chap-stick of 14 year old girls?
You wounder to yourself, is this what the big man upstairs had in mind? Sitting in his big directors chair, ordering danishes from the startled crowd of Mormons crowded round like some sort of drug free road crew?
Is this just me? Is the ratio of question marks to sentences to high? Why is a mouse when it spins? And what would a group of 30 year old hippies want with a pair of yellow parachute pants? These are things ill never know.

My First Post

I have found that towards the end of the working day (for me, usually around 2pm) my brain starts to overheat and slosh around the inside of my skull. I have theorized that, due to an over active imagination and other forces outside my control, my head is overheating and melting the fat that protects my brain from the outside world.
Given the fact that my body temperature is around *37 degrees Celsius and the melting point of adipose tissue (bodily fat) is on average *227 degrees Celsius, I can deduce that in the 8 hours that I have been using my brain (the day beginning at 6am when I wake), its temperature has increased by **190 degrees Celsius, a rate of **23 degrees per hour. The boiling point of said tissue is, on average, around *2300 degrees Celsius.
Therefore, if my brain continues to produce such heat while in use (i.e. during waking hours) it would take a little under **100 hours of conscious thought to bring the fluids in my head to a boil. Considering that gases take up much more room than liquids, if I were to remain awake for more than **4 days my head would explode.
I realize that there may be a few flaws in my reasoning (albeit minor ones), but I submit it for peer review none the less.

* References?!
** Show working!

Markers comments: Good structure, you’ve shown a good ability to convey your arguments to the reader. However you need to pay more attention to your spelling, and make sure to reference all figures and show correct working.
Good work B-