Life Outside PLT1

PORN

Not really. But close.

http://www.bit-tech.net/news/2006/05/30/net_porn_viewing/

I do have to comment though; my firm belief is that the figure should be/potentially should be alot higher.
One point is that; no country in existance has 100% internet coverage or rate of subscription, in the UK it’s around 60%.
Another point is that any ethical observational study of this topic, especially in a country with a bill of rights, would require participants to “opt in”, given the touchy nature of the subject; infer from that what you will.

“If they took all the porn off the internet there would only be one website left and it would be called ‘BRING BACK THE PORN’”

Furthermore, today i’ve eaten 7 of those “Soothers Liquid Centres” lozenges that were going around for free today and a few minutes ago, I had spit up a huge wad of mucus; which is strange. Only 29 left to eat.

Short Ramble Before Bed

As I was welcomed as an admin tonight (in my own little party) I decided to test my new found power.

So after much deliberation of finding a avatar, and then photoshopping it to the right size, which as all photoshoppers know takes a minute +/-3% I then had to think if I had anything to write. Which as it turns out, I have a compski 220 java programme and a compski 280 vb.net programme, both of which I’m putting off writing till tomorrow.

So I leave you now, with a bad joke and a picture or two

The Joke:

When man was created, all parts of the body argued who should be boss.

The brain said he should be boss since he controlled all thoughts.The eyes said he should be boss since without him, man wouldn’t be able to see.The legs then countered this by saying that it was him that brought man wherever he wanted to go.The stomach argued that it was him that provided nutrition for the whole body and he should be boss.

Then the asshole applied for the job.The other parts laughed so hard that the asshole got angry and closed up for a week. The stomach got upset, the legs went wobbly, the brain started to go wonky and the eyes got crossed. Finally, they conceded that the asshole will be the boss.

This proves that you don’t have to be a brain to be a boss, just an asshole.

And The Pictures:

When Acronyms Go Bad: Part One

Here at PLT1.com, we are not unused to acronyms. After all, we are one. So it only seems appropriate that we appreciate our good fortune in settling on a reasonable set of characters, unlike these poor sods…

OMG - Object Management Group. OMG, they brought us such fantastic technologies as UML and CORBA.

LOL - Lord of Life Church. Something tells me OMG and LOL should swap names. Or merge. OMGLOL.

WTF - World Taekwondo Federation. WTF, indeed.

Saving the best for last…

FAGS - The Federation of Astronomical And Geophysical Dataanalysis Services. No, really.

Have you seen this person?

M.I.A. Last seen on, wait he just apeared, scratch and sniff this postulated motion towards a better future

One? MORE LIEK TWO!!

I don’t want to alarm you…

…but if you haven’t heard the remake of “One” by U2; a great song by them from back when they were good, it sucks. Imagine U2 playing instrumentals while a washed-up female vocalist butchers the original song while trying too hard to sound soulful and artistic… Oh wait, you don’t have to. BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

Now, I have a few things to say about how the future of music is a dark and shameful place. I could never really pinpoint the exact moment where the popular format of music suddenly changed to hearing masculine black women trying to artfully hold a note and failing miserably at it.

And I could never really pinpoint the exact moment where the popular format of music video suddenly changed to a bunch of inbred-looking trolls jumping around and making facial expressions as though they really needed to take a shit.

But enough about that subsection of humanity’s dregs, god knows that’s all been beaten to death by other kinds of elitists. There is however, another subsection devoted to ugly men who think that just because they have long hair; they know how to play guitar and sing, sometimes both at the same time.

I’m convinced that they’re an elaborate ploy to show the world how stupid overfed white suburban girls are. I mean damn; all their songs sound the same, their instrumentals sound the same and the vocals all adhere to the same monotonous, robotic drone that can only come from a retarded producer that’s dispassionate enough to not even try to hide the fact that camel-face’s voice track has been run through a reverb machine about 402 times.

And before you shitheads accuse me of being a music hater; I’ll have you know that I quite enjoyed Placebo’s last album, I strongly support anyone who has made the decision to buy Massive Attack’s greatest hits album and I’m looking forward to Portishead’s new album which should see the light of day sometime soon, although I’m sure the general public will overlook it no matter how great it is due to the lack of electric guitars, melodic synthesizers and guest vocals by 50 cent.

SUMMARY OF THIS ARTICLE:
*Sicopath is sick of Bono’s stupid sunglasses and his “we care a lot” style political zealotry. We all know he’s trying to divert us from the fact that he can’t write good songs anymore and he should eat a bag of aids and die.

*Sicopath refers to Chad Kroger as “Chode Crowbar”, by that he’s implying that Chad uses his half-inch peener to pry open man-holes. Probably to sate his addiction to RAT FLESH.

What’s in a name?

Hello, it’s me. The advice fairy.

(not a picture of me)

I have an installment of astounding advice today; answering a few common questions about children’s names. Let’s kick things off with the simple and not entirely unusual.

What should I (try to) name my child?

To answer this question, i’m going to welcome the testimony of a successful man with an excellent and thought-provoking name.

Hi, my name is God Fuck; that’s right, first name “God” and last name “Fuck”. My life is easy and fulfilling because unlike other first world citizens, I will never ever have to serve a single day in official jury duty! You see, when a jury roll-call is being taken, an officer of the court reads our names out surname first, given names second and i’m sure we all know that there is no real seperation of church and state. Unconstitutional, I know; but that’s what you get for electing to office caucasian leaders with backgrounds in big business.

Thanks God. Now next up we have a less not entirely unusual question for me to chew over. Not that it’s anything beyond my understanding; otherwise you’d be reading a blank space right now and people would laugh at you.

What should I avoid naming my child?

Once again, I will let the answer be given in the form of third party testimony; this time from a less successful man.

Hi, my name is Aley Way; that’s right, first name “Aley” and last name “Way”. My life is so bad you could say it stinks like piss; in which case you’d be correct on two fronts. I remember in school when other boys would follow me into the toilets, flank me at the urinal and piss on my legs; “that’s what alleyways are for!” they’d say.

Well, that’s it for today. You all come back now, you hear?

If you have any questions you’d like me to answer; you know how to contact me.

Red tape

From my Air Law textbook:

‘Supplemental oxygen in aircraft operating from 10,000 ft up to and including 13,000 ft AMSL for periods more than 30 minutes shall permit continous use by all crew members and by 10% of the passengers.’

I need 10 volunteers.

Universal Tool

The Universal Tool, it does something. We hope. One comes with every GN250. Got a hypothesis on what it does?

MSN random

So i got another random on msn. Im seriously worried as to where the jailbait is coming from…

And i thought that this shit was over with.

Arcee does Cybertron

The source website for this seems to be malfunctional(google cache page: HERE); so to save this piece of work from dying away into obscurity, i’m preserving it.. RIGHT HERE.

Are you ready?

3

2

1

GO!

ARCEE DOES CYBERTRON PART 1
ARCEE DOES CYBERTRON - PART 1

Hulk Hogan opened the door to his dressing room. He had just finished a strenuous match with the dirty turncoat Sgt. Slaughter. Hulk was totally pumped up from the thunderous ovations from the crowd that only increased in intensity as the match went on. When the Hulkster finally dropped the Big Leg on that Iranian Dog’s fat neck, the roar from the crowd nearly blew him away.

Hogan stripped off his awesome red and yellow wrestling trunks and his red and yellow arm and kneepads. After throwing them into his American flag- themed gym bag, Hulk stepped into the showers.

Suddenly, a temporal vortex opened up, and Arcee stepped out. She was fifteen feet tall and really sexy. She took one look at the stunned Hulk Hogan, his three foot ween glowing with a healthy orange color, and her heat sensors caused her thermal sensitive rub-sign to flush blue in the pattern of an Autobot symbol.

After she regained her senses from her momentary wiener hypnosis, she used her seductive metallic voice to beg a favor to the Hulkster: “Mr. Hogan, I am on an important mission from Cobra Commander. I have been sent to collect the DNA from the greatest warriors in history, in order to create the Ultimate Man. Could you please spare some DNA…for me?”

“WELL YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MEAN GENE?” Hulk Hogan calmly said as a spinning WWF Logo appearing behind him, “IT MAY SEEM A LITTLE STRANGE TO BE STICKING THE SAUSAGE TO A ROBOT, BUT ALL THE LITTLE HULKAMANIACS OUT THERE KNOW, OH THEY KNOW IT DUDE, THEY KNOW THAT WHEN A PRETTY SLORE WANTS TO FEEL THE THIRD LEGDROP OF DOOM IN HER STINK HOLE, WELL BRAH, THE HULKSTER DOESN’T NEED TO BE ASKED TWICE!” The Hulkster flexed, and then cupped one hand to his ear. “DO YOU HEAR THAT GENE-O? OH YEAH ROBOT DUDE, WHATCHA GOONA DO…WHEN HULKAMANIA EJACULATES ON YOU?”

Arcee squealed in delight. She slowly dimmed the power lights in one of her optic ports, and then decreased the pneumatic pressure of her left shoulder rooter, giving the impression of a seductive wink. She allowed her fully articulated fingers to move to the clamps holding her breastplates on. With a loud clank, followed by the hiss of escaping air, followed by several seconds of warning claxons going off, Arcee’s bra clunked to the floor and left a large crater where it landed. Her humongoid tits flopped around on her chest, and they were soft and white and totally sexy to the max.

Hulk Hogan ran up to her and started punching her in the chest. His mighty blows caused her bulbous boobens to swing all over the place and knock together like those things that those business dudes have on their desks with the steel balls. Arcee moaned like a fucking whore as The Hulkster put the Tongan Death Grip on her Energon Dispenser Nozzles, twisting a pulling them around between his fingers.

“Oh yes. Hulk. You’re making my Access Port so wet! Put your Coolant Rod inside of me!

“OKAY DUDE, NOW IT’S TIME TO FEEL THE 24 INCH PYTHON!” sexily whispered the Hulkster. After using a 17 inch power drill to remove her thong, her spread or mobility appendages and prepared to install Linux to her Palm Handspring. Her groovy pussy was dripping with highly flammable lubrication formula, and it really reeked of the Kwiklube she had used the night before.

“WOAH BRAH, THERE’S NO WAY I’M PUTTING MY CUCK IN THAT THING!” Hogan sweetly said. Arcee’s voice modulation unit undulated, creating a sound not unlike a horrifying bastardization of a biological life form’s giggle.

The Technological Whore continued on, “Well, you could always insert through my waste disposal chute!”

The Hulkster didn’t need to be told twice for an opportunity like that! Giving it to a robotic bunghole was something he’s wanted to do since Andre the Giant and He were The Machines.

Hulk Hogan inputted the 12-digit access code used to open Buttock Hinge, and he jammed his penoy into her ass. His cock was instantly dissolved as it thrusted into a mix of toxic waste and sharp metal shavings.

“OH YEAH BROTHER, THIS IS TOTALLY COOL DUDE!” Hogan ejaculated over 50 gallons of sperm into her anus. She instantly popped out of the dimension, leaving Hogan to play his favorite video game, Twisted Metal Black for the Playstation 2.